Since I can remember I've wanted to be a mother. I would even pray to God that he didn't come back to earth until I became one which is so funny because I know Heaven is going to be exponentially better than anything I'll experience on earth. But, it you ask any my friends or family they will tell you that I was looking forward to motherhood. Caleb and I even talked about how future children often. I had a running list of names for boys and girls (since I was twelve). I remember one night Caleb and I were sitting at a restaurant waiting for our food to come and we were imagining out loud what our children would look like.
After becoming a nurse and getting a job in the NICU my baby fever grew more and it didn't help that we had four very cute nieces and one nephew. I love being an aunt, but every time I was around any of them I felt a little sad. They are all such wonderful children and I wanted one of my own.
Caleb knew my love for children since we were fifteen but we decided to wait a while before trying to have one.
After BCT I stressed my desire to be a mother to Caleb but he was still pretty persistant on waiting until we figured out what God had in store for us with the military.
On Easter 2009 I dropped Caleb off at Fort Rucker for him to attend WOCS (Warrant Officer Candidate School). We were apart for 7 weeks. On the day I got to see him after the 7 weeks Caleb showed me a timeline that he had put together for our family over the time he was in WOCS. He had a notebook full of prayers and concerns about having a child and even had a pros and cons list of having child sooner rather than later. We talked for a while and decided together that we would like to try to conceive before the year was over. I was so touched by all the thought he had put into it and could tell he wanted to make me happy but was also terrified of being responsible of another human being at the same time.
We moved to Alabama in June 2009 and after finding a job and getting settled I stopped taking birth control.
In September, while Brandon (Caleb's friend and Emmalyn's Godfather) was away we had Crissy (Brandon's wife) over for dinner. I had been counting out my cycle for the past three months and knew I was ovulating on this day so I was a little anxious because this was the first month I was off BC. After dinner Caleb offered for Crissy to stay and watch some TV but she declined. I was so happy because I wanted to "get busy." So, thank you Crissy, but leaving us be that night because that was the night we conceived Emmy. TMI?!
Anyway, just three weeks later on October, 11 we were sitting around the house after church and I decided to take a pregnancy test. I took it, put it on the sink and went to make some lunch. I got so into my lunch and then started doing laundry that I forgot about it. Clearly, I didn't think anything was going to come of it. When I went back into the bathroom to put up some towels I saw it and held it up to read pregnant.
For a split second I was confused. I wasn't even late yet. I just took it for the heck of it. Was this really true?! I called Caleb into the bathroom and showed it to him. He looked me in the eye and said, "seriously?"
We both sat on our bed in disbelief just smiling to ourselves.
Then, my brilliant husband broke the silence by saying, "I've got super sperm!"
This was the absolute best day of my life. Honestly. Thinking of all the possibilities that the future held, how there was something from both of us growing inside me, and how much I loved that baby already. I can't even begin to explain how much love I felt at that moment and how blessed we were.
We have so many friends in our life that have and are having trouble getting pregnant and here I was, barely off birth control and pregnant! I still am reminded of how blessed I am to be a mother to such an amazing child when so many around me are trying so hard for the same thing.
I know we all complain, but being a mother is one thing I try to never complain about even on the hard days. I don't know if there will be more children (we are planning on it) in our future, but I know that even if there isn't, I am experiencing one of God's greatest gifts. I mean, how can I love someone so much and am willing to die for her and think there is no God? He is awesome and loves me and Caleb and Emmalyn more than I can fathom!
Even though Caleb was nervous about becoming a dad, and frankly, I was kind of nervous about him too, he has been and continues to be an amazing father. It shows in how much Emmalyn loves him. When she was 3 months old he told me he wanted to try to have another one!
My response: "can I get a break please?!"
Our Emmalyn is the greatest representation of our love for each other and I hope our love for God is shown through her.
Our first look
36 weeks
In labor, about to meet Emmy (I was really cold).
Minutes after she was born. Caleb just wanted to stare at her.
It was a long, but rewarding day. Look at how tired Caleb looks!
The day we brought her home.
Our little family
So in love with her!
** For all the struggling mothers-to-be, please keep praying. I'm praying with you. I truly don't think that God would put such a desire to love one of His children in our hearts and not make it happen. Whether it is medical intervention, adoption, or prayer, I know so many women who are great mother's already and I'm so blessed to have them in Emmy's life.
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you
Matthew 7:7
The above verse can be construed. I think God answers all of our prayers, maybe not in the way we want him to, but He has a plan and knows what is best for us. Trust Him and you will be blessed.
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