I'm sitting on my bedroom floor unable to sleep for the umpteenth time in my life. I would blame this sleeplessness on working night shift for over a year, but it really started before I even became a nurse. I do some of my best thinking and praying at night when I can't sleep...it helps me from getting mad at the fact that I'm extremely tired, but my body is restless at the same time. Someone once told me that she believed if you couldn't sleep, it meant you needed to pray about something, or everything...well, I must have a lot to pray about.
Here is where my thinking has gotten me tonight.
- I complain a lot. I'm trying to get this under control, but I still catch myself doing it and wish I could take back the things I complain about as soon as I do. I have so much to be thankful for and complaining is just a waste of time.
- I "wish" a lot - I wish I had longer hair, fuller eyebrows, smaller pants, took better pictures, a cleaner house...again, time's a wastin'
- I say "I" a lot. I would like to start using this work less and less. My wonderful husband has pointed this out to me for about 5 years (once he figured I loved him enough not to hit him once hearing this very constructive criticism). Nothing is about "me" it should all go back to Christ, our maker and one way to show that we truly live that way is to love others, not by telling them about ourselves and never really hearing what they have to say. I love that Caleb does this. He is very in tune to what people are saying behind their words, because he listens with all 5 senses. He knows me better than I know myself because of this.
- I don't say "I love you" enough. Okay, so I say it all the time, and you might find that you do too, but those words have hold no water without reasons behind them. I don't think love can really be defined. True love is so deep and unconditional, I really don't think a lot of people quite understand what they are saying when they use those three little words. I learn more and more about how deep it is everyday and know that one day I might feel a smidgen of what Mary felt the night she saw her son sacrificed for all of us. But I do think it helps to let others know why we love them. For instance, I love my husband because he knows just what I need without me having to say anything and he sacrifices time, money, and his own happiness for me (those are only a few reasons) but I know I don't tell him that enough.
Okay, that's it for now. I'm going to try to snuggle into bed a get some rest before Eli comes over in the morning for a play date. Babysitting always provides a new perspective on experiencing life.
